I want a lifetime of Octobers

Not a particular one, just any October, beggars can’t be choosers, right? I can deal with whatever you’re throwing at me, even if it’s a flood from too much rain. Well, I’m getting ahead of myself, I don’t really want to deal with the whole rain business unless I’m indoors.

I don’t love fall per se, but mainly for what it represents: illusions, stories, more chapters to a book that’s only written in my mind. Magic. I love the scenarios, the sitting at a cafe, trying to warm your hands with hot chocolate, making chit-chat with one of your oldest friends, escaping from the cool air.

The sipping of some tea you don’t really like but heard it was good, while in bed with a Victorian book, with shorts and big, fluffy socks that reach your knee.

The passionate walks, trying to hold your scarf in one peace and hoping against hope it won’t rain until something decisive, something that would change your entire dynamic, will happen.

The boots and scarves and leather jackets left unbuttoned. The huge, warm sweaters with turtlenecks. The smell of morning and the sight of fog. Getting up early on a Saturday morning to drink a huge latte while making plans in your head.

The leaves in the parks, the depth of most  conversations, the flight of all things random, the night that falls down quicker but not as quick as in December so you can still stay up late, without thinking it’s too late.

The little things that spark in everyday life, that remind you you’re alive. That make you feel.

I love fall. It wakes me up.

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Misguided April

Imagine

[…]

“Do you have something for lunch with you or are we going across the street?”
“Yeah, I wanted to make something. But then I had to make launch for Barry, feed Alan, change the pants Alan threw mashed bananas on and then drive him to the babysitter’s”, Claire replied drily.
“A simple no would’ve done the trick”, said April, as both women were making their way to the diner around the corner.
“So how’s the job search going?”
“I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s been like…two years…three actually, and nothing. I don’t get it. I’m just…either really stupid or really unlucky”.
Claire looked at her frowning. “You’re not stupid and you have a job. And aren’t you a bit too old for this teenage drama? Just enjoy what you have now.”
“Maybe I should just go back to school, choose a different major. This whole English thing has really not done anything for me”, April went on.
“Yeah, do that! Maybe you can start an illicit affair with a 19 years old guy!”
“Yes, because 19 years old guys are dying to get to know a 8 years older woman, who only talks about how much she hates her job.”
“Have you tried getting into teaching?” Claire suggested, clearly supportive of her friend.
“Teaching would be as same as journalism for me. Not something I’d want to do long term. Man. I feel just like one of those high school kids who say their job as McDonald’s is only for the summer, then bam, twenty years later, they’re still cleaning up on aisle 5.”
“I have no idea what you meant by that”, Claire chuckled.
“When I took this job, I said to myself that it’s only going to be temporary, I don’t want to be a journalist, I’m only staying until I find something else. I just want to work at a publishing house…working with writers, editing and making notes on stories no one has read before.”
“Well, if you want to work with books, I’m sure you can always find a job at a nice library”, Claire laughed.
“And be forever known as Miss Reid, the weird old lady with the books? No thanks.”
“Oh come on. You’ll probably be weird Mrs. Something”, the petit blonde mocked.
“Really? Because the way things seem to be working, the Miss thing is the only certainty about my future.”
“What’s up with you today? Why are you so negative about everything?”
“I’m not”, April sighted. “It’s just a possibility I have to consider. I hardly ever meet anyone…”
…”you meet a lot of people, you just find faults in everyone!”
…”I haven’t had a serious relationship in like…five years”, April went on, without caring about her friend’s intervention.
“Oh, really? So what was up with Adrian and Sam and…the guy from the…”
“I said ‘serious’, Claire, not a four week fling.”
April, and her moody ways, either considered herself incredibly beautiful, either downright should-never-leave-the-house-ugly. She had a very warm beauty, with dark hazel eyes and brown, long hair. She wasn’t stunning, nor plain. Simply attractive and very feminine.
“You’ve been dating Gary for…what? Two months now?”
“About…five weeks, but he doesn’t seem very impressed. I’m just waiting on him to leave me, like the ones before”.
“Keep thinking like that, that’s a winner. You know, the father figure is very important to a girl growing up. It’s how she’ll relate to men her whole life”.
“Oh, no, don’t put on the psychologist mask”. April rolled her eyes.
Claire chuckled. “Even if I wanted to understand you, I don’t think I would. You’ve got these bouts of happiness, then the whole thing goes to hell and you’re digging your own pit hole”.
“Yeah, there are meds for that, right?”
“You’re borderline bipolar, you know that?”
“Are we actually making fun of mental disorders? We’ve already established that I’m emotionally unbalanced and insane, but are you allowed to laugh at these things?”
“I’m a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I deal with people like you and let the loony cases for doctors. And you know – I sometimes envy you. You are like I was five years ago.”
“A moron?” April offered.
“That too. But I was more hinting towards the ‘you can do anything, anytime’ part. You should enjoy this.”
“I keep hearing that, but I think I’m at a point where I want something else. And you can do anything, anytime, too. If you really wanted to.”
“I wanted to go out with you guys last night, but I couldn’t find a babysitter and Barry was working late.”
“Point taken. You didn’t miss much.”
“What? You mean drinks after work with my co-workers aren’t legendary? Right now, I’d just settle on some juicy news department gossip.”
“I’m guessing human resources aren’t as much fun as us, right?” April asked ironically.
“Fine, don’t tell me anything.”
“I’ve got nothing to tell you, we just went out a bit, a lame attempt to unwind. I was late and couldn’t stay long. Nobody said anything worth mentioning. Plus, I was busy staring at a cute guy”.
“Oh no.”
“I only took a few looks”, April said sheepishly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. What?”
“I just know you so well and I know how far you imagination has already gone.”
“He was really, really, REALLY good looking. Like…blue eyes, gorgeous smile good-looking.”
“Fine. I’ll take the bait. Did you talk to him?”
“No, staring worked much better for me. I could just…take him home and put him in a glass box so I could just…look at him. Naked.” April grinned, blushing a bit.
“You do realize you’re the shallowest person I’ve ever met, right? You know, that’s why all your relationships fail, you choose men based on their looks.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to wake up to a great face in the morning.”

[…]

Revolution II

ImagineTime stopped, but their world didn’t. They can’t just pack up, ignore all the other dying kids that can be saved with just a vaccine for Polio. They can’t just go home, to their cozy apartments, warm wives and elite cooking, while others are starving. They can’t go home and wait, they’ll just finish the program – three more weeks to go – and if the end of the world hasn’t come until then, they’ll return home as scheduled.

—————————————————————————————-

Joanna poured herself another glass of red wine and sat on the couch, tucking behind her ear some bangs of her hair that escaped her ponytail. The only light in the room came from the computer, which was now entering energy saver mode. On the screen, the e-mail she gotten from her husband, who was a part of the Medicines sans Frontiers, working in Sudan for two months a year, made her lose her balance. She was afraid. She loved life, she loved everything about it; her husband was one of the guardians of life, his job was to postpone death for as long as possible. She was afraid and she was alone. As the computer screen faded to black, Joanna covered her mouth with her hand and sobbed silently.

Revolution

I’m feeling creative AND I have to deal with writer’s block. Talk about dichotomies… As I’ve learned that there aren’t two identical stories even if the plot is the plot is the same (given that whole subjectivity thing), I decided to share what I’m working on.

 

Joanna lay on her bed, one hand beneath her head, the other resting on a book set aside on her right. Her fingers caressed the hardcover, the engraved picture that was supposed to represent the title character. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling; she had no thoughts for a few moments, something she could never do voluntarily. She glanced back at her alarm clock. Two more minutes before it would go off, telling her she has to start her day. Tuesday. She didn’t like Tuesdays, too far off from the weekend, but with all the Monday rush gone. 

Forty-two minutes later, she finished with her make-up, rearranged her jacket, then went out the door, closing her eyes and imagining the moment in which she’ll be back, leaving the day behind. Maybe if she’d wish hard enough, time would just fly by, stopping only when she’s enjoying herself.

 

The crowded streets, the crowded metro, the city coming alive. She loved mornings, early spring mornings when the air was still fresh and people were rushing to start their lives again. Moms with children, telling them about the world, elderly people probably rushing to doctors’ appointments, people were headphones, others reading, nervous conversations on the phone, laughs, teenage gossip, a dog barking, business men, artists, lost souls, liars, cheaters, happy people, a homeless man, a perfect little girl with golden hair smiling sheepishly at Joanna, holding on to her mother’s hand for dear life. Everyday faces; completely oblivious.

She pushed the button, patiently waiting for the elevator in the lobby of the building she was working in, trapped in her own thoughts, not noticing the passionate conversation two women on her right were engaged in. Too many ‘Oh, my God’s, too many questions, she could swear she heard ‘conspiracy theory’, too, so she shut herself off.

On her floor, her co-workers divided in groups; some, by the window, were curiously looking up the sky, like there was something there they’ve never seen. Others, gathered around one who was looking up something on the Internet, then reading the findings of a search. Some laughing, others panicked, very few actually working.

Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she approached one of the groups, trying to distinguish what they were so frantically searching for.

“You didn’t hear?!”, Beth, one of her co-workers, asked Joanna a little too enthusiastic. “The Earth stopped moving last night!”

Joanna took a sip of coffee, batted her eyelashes, smiling wryly. She was still waiting for the punchline.

“Seriously. Like…it just stopped. Maybe this is the Apocalypse everyone was talking about”, Beth raised her shoulders, amused, not really believing so herself.

“I’m sure the Earth didn’t just stop moving…”, Joanna smiled ironically. “It was dark when I got up this morning, now it’s broad daylight. If the Earth was to stop…rotating…”

“You didn’t hear the news, anything? It’s everywhere, CNBC brought over some scientists from NASA, no one can explain it. The thing is, it really stopped moving around the Sun. Apparently, it still rotates around its own orbit, which still gives us the whole day-night thing! The revolution around the Sun is just…gone!”

Joanna put down her coffee, not fully understanding the implications. She moved closer to a window, trying to see something in the sky, but everything was just like yesterday. She tried to see if she was feeling something odd, but she wasn’t. Her body was behaving the very same way. She looked up again, touched the window, the coolness of the glass calming the emotions building up inside of her.

“So no revolution means…”

“No more years! I think time just stopped!” Beth let out, with a mix of fear and enthusiasm.”

Things you can tell just by looking at her

Not the movie, although highly recommended.

What makes a woman truly a woman? Simone de Beauvoir, Jean Paul Sartre’s longtime lover, claimed that one isn’t born a woman, one becomes one. So in these misty, hallucinating days, what makes a woman so feminine? For decades, we’ve been able to wear pants, cut our hair short, have more than one sexual partner and the society would be able to be perfectly OK with all and more. We go to work while our husbands raise the kids, we hold jobs normally designed for men. We smoke and drink bourbon.

What we can do is give them power, making them feel like the protector, the enabler, the one. Wear a dress and show our soft side, the side that needs to look up to someone, to feel proud of someone, to tell other all about their accomplishments. All wearing just the perfect dress.

 

ImagineImagineImagineImagineImagineImagineImagine

Yellow

Been a very, very bad girl, with all the hibernating and not posting, but it’s been a busy few months. Anyway, my first post in 2012 – doesn’t it still feel like New Year’s Eve was just a blink of an eye ago?- is dedicated to this fantastic, mind blowing, extraordinary color – Yellow. And the Coldplay song 🙂

I’m really into colors that have a saying, colors that are enough to make you noticeable. Yellow it’s supposed to be the favorite color of jealous type people and in symbolism represents jealousy. It was my favorite color growing up and yeah, maybe I am jealous. And possessive. But that’s another story.

ImagineImagineImagineImagineImagineImagine

Christmas Tree Art

Since we’re at it, if you like pretty thing and like all things to be pretty, then you’re definitely going to make sure your Christmas tree reflects just how you look and feel.

Whether you like the natural smell of a good old fashion tree or if you’re going green and going to choose a plastic one, the Christmas tree is the star of December 24th. Well, that and presents.

There are many ways to decorate it, you can practically go from all white/red/blue to a colorful tree, in which you’ve put all the ornaments you’ve gathered through the years. I dislike throwing away ornaments because they remind me of a Christmas past, a time where things were so simple and beautiful and my heart fills with melancholy.

I’ve had broken ornaments, some that couldn’t even be maneuvered well, because of how fragile they were, but those were the ones that had my deepest love. I really do long for the times in which I was searching frantically through the house, everywhere, just to find my presents, and feel the happiness of the discovery, even if it was a simple pair of slippers and candy. I knew there were more. Now, my Christmas gift is purchased online, or from a shopping mall and I get to say what I want and usually receive money so that I can buy said gift myself.

Anyway, teach your children to appreciate the NOW, because who knows how their Christmas would be like.

 

 

 

Two more weeks to Christmas

And it wouldn’t be Christmas without a green tree, snow, lots of presents, carols and…Christmas movies. I sort of have this ritual where every year I try to watch a particular Christmas movie, just because I can (last year things got too busy and my tradition skipped a year). So, without mentioning the Christmas cult classic – “Home Alone”, or the evergreen adaptation of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”, here are my favourite Christmas movies everyone has to see.

They’re all feel good, so it’s ok 🙂

5. Surviving Christmas is a very cutesy tale of the rich guy who wants to rent a family for the holidays, but finds himself falling for his fake-sister. Great part from James Gandolfini, he’s very funny.

4. Noel.  You know how Hollywood tries to remake European flicks? Well, I might say that this one goes in that category, but, unlike “Valentine’s Day” or the more recent “New Year’s Eve”, this one actually has a plot and the stories are pretty good.

3. Alles is Liefde (aka Love is All). The Dutch version of “Love Actually”. Not very much to say here, truth is if you liked the British movie, you’ll also like this.

2. The Family Man. definitely one of my favourite movies of all time. The plot revolves the idea of ‘what if I would’ve chosen differently?’ which is one of the questions I think everyone has asked himself at one point or another in his life.

1. Love Actually. Surprise, surprise.  I’m trying very hard to choose my favourite stories. I guess it’s the unrequited love one and Colin Firth’s, because they’re both so full of passion. However, bring a Kleenex. The movie itself is pretty impressive and you just find yourself cheering for ‘Billy Mack’ to get naked, even though he’s way past his prime.

Schimb de haine, editia II

Sesiuni de schimb de haine tot au loc, de vreo doi ani de cand sunt eu interesata. Primele doua tentative au dat gres, prima data din cauza ploii, a doua oara din cauza timpului prea scurt.

La editia din 26 noiembrie am participat cu mai mult entuziasm decat prima data, si asta nu a facut decat sa ma ajute. Noile reguli impuse de fetele de la Schimb de haine (mai putine produse, dar de calitate) au facut sa am de unde alege si chiar sa renunt la unele produse, pentru ca am consideram ca aveam deja prea multe lucrusoare frumoase si era cazul sa mai las si altcuiva. Tocmai de aceea, o prietena care nu a participat s-a ales chiar cu o fusta foarte draguta, pe care, dupa spusele ei, chiar are de gand sa o poarte. Poate cu putin noroc o conving sa participe si ea la urmatoarea editie a schimbului de haine.

Word of advice: bring a friend. 😉

Cel mai rau imi pare ca fetele au fost foarte axate pe schimb si pe ce au putut ele sa primeasca (didn’t we all?) incat nu am stiut exact cui sa ii multumesc. Am o bluza colorata de la C&A cu eticheta, o rochie de matase, o alta bluza colorata, o pereche de cercei si inca un articol pe care acum nu reusesc sa-l vizualizez.

And – the best part, am castigat! A avut loc o tombola, iar eu am castigat. Nu am mai castigat niciodata nimic si oricum venea Sfantul Andrei, asa ca a fost binevenit premiul. Mi-am ales un splendid inel de la Mazza.ro de care nu ma mai despart. L-am primit imediat prin posta, cu un saculet foarte frumos si intreg pachetul ingrijit. Se vede ca sunt customer oriented 🙂

Am inteles ca pe la jumatatea lunii decembrie va avea loc un nou schimb de haine. So girls, cu toata seriozitatea, come! We have cookies

Bundle up

It’s a well-known fact; if you don’t want to freeze to death, you get bundled up in winter. And being weird like that, I love bundling up. I’m not taking about really huge coats and two pairs of pants, but the girlish type of being bundled up. Because if you’re a woman, chances are high you will be cold. I have yet to find a coat that keeps me warm AND looks very good. Usually, I compromise.

But back at the getting bundled up scenario. That’s something very…warm and cozy in having a big scarf wrapped around your neck, a sweet hat and some puffy gloves.

Kinda like this.